Sorry, but your grades will improve I know that's legitimately the lamest benefit and probably the reason more young girls aren't like, taken seriously in academia or whatever, but banging your professor will result in better grades. But my point is that you think you're doing something great in bed when you're really just a wet sack of garbage, talent-wise. If nothing's convinced you so far, just trust me as a person. College students, I'm talking to you. He's been having sex longer than you've been alive, and he's gonna be so psyched to touch a breast not yet affected by the earth's gravitational pull. It's practically one of Newton's Laws: My dad is not only around, but a really great guy! Having sex with your professor is the best college experience you could have Fuck football games and student government by Amanda Ross Queue up Vitamin C's "Graduation" before you start reading this. There's a reason that searching anything related to "professor-student" porn returns about a million results. If you're an underclassmen, you still have a few semesters to make this happen. Sometimes they'll be really fun and you'll end up doing coke off a toilet seat with Steph from HR. To my seniors, it's fucking crunch time but I have faith you can cross the finish line with the same level of begrudging focus you use to pass your classes — that is, with the help of pharmaceuticals for which you're not prescribed. But either way, you'll need a rolodex of amusing stories about your extracurricular life that makes the people who see you for 8-plus hours a day go, "Damn, she's been there. It makes for a really great story As an adult, you'll have to go through the at-time torturous ritual of post-work happy hours. You need to know the touch of a male with a mortgage! First of all, I'm sickened by your relative youth and will someday steal it from you like Ursula the Sea Witch we don't look dissimilar, tbh.